My husband and I are very comfortable, with a net worth in the millions as we started a successful company years ago. We offered a free college education and a new car upon graduation to each of our three children. We believe we have been generous and also think we should save our remaining money, as we may need it in the future. We are now 70, have a few health issues and do not want to be a financial burden to our two sons and daughter as we age.
Our oldest child did not finish college and did not get a car. He feels like he is getting the short end of our largesse and has trouble accepting it. I reminded him that he will be inheriting a controlling interest in our business, which he is learning to run and that the trust is set up to divide our assets evenly upon our deaths, with his larger share of the company taken into consideration.
The second, our precious Deirdre, finished college, received her car, and attended graduate school, earning a doctorate in physical therapy and she was given a car. She was responsible for her tuition and living expenses because her boyfriend lived with her. She was not happy about that, but we were not going to support both of them. He did not work and she incurred more debt as a result.
Deirdre has lived at home since graduation and is prudently saving her money to pay off her loan. It has been about seven years. I told her that it is the equivalent of about $2,000 a month of a gift for her — about $170,000 so far. Plus, her phone, groceries and clothing, etc. For some reason, she seems not to agree with that position, but says it “makes up for not paying her living expenses while in graduate school.” Nevertheless, we enjoy her immensely and eventually she will move out once she feels financially stable enough to get a house and pay off her six-figure school loan.
The youngest child finished college and received a car, and is now in medical school. We are paying for all of his living expenses, as he lives alone, but we are not paying his tuition. My husband and I have had regular family meetings discussing estate matters and our wills are an open book to them as we believe transparency is important.
My husband and I have done our best to treat our estate as equally as possible, and we have communicated that to them often. Have we done anything wrong here?
You want to be fair and equitable, but that comes with a certain amount of penny-pinching that could risk turning your success into a transactional relationship with your children.
We promised our 3 kids a free education, but now some of them are crying
My husband and I are very comfortable, with a net worth in the millions as we started a successful company years ago. We offered a free college education and a new car upon graduation to each of our three children. We believe we have been generous and also think we should save our remaining money, as we may need it in the future. We are now 70, have a few health issues and do not want to be a financial burden to our two sons and daughter as we age.
Our oldest child did not finish college and did not get a car. He feels like he is getting the short end of our largesse and has trouble accepting it. I reminded him that he will be inheriting a controlling interest in our business, which he is learning to run and that the trust is set up to divide our assets evenly upon our deaths, with his larger share of the company taken into consideration.
The second, our precious Deirdre, finished college, received her car, and attended graduate school, earning a doctorate in physical therapy and she was given a car. She was responsible for her tuition and living expenses because her boyfriend lived with her. She was not happy about that, but we were not going to support both of them. He did not work and she incurred more debt as a result.
Deirdre has lived at home since graduation and is prudently saving her money to pay off her loan. It has been about seven years. I told her that it is the equivalent of about $2,000 a month of a gift for her — about $170,000 so far. Plus, her phone, groceries and clothing, etc. For some reason, she seems not to agree with that position, but says it “makes up for not paying her living expenses while in graduate school.” Nevertheless, we enjoy her immensely and eventually she will move out once she feels financially stable enough to get a house and pay off her six-figure school loan.
The youngest child finished college and received a car, and is now in medical school. We are paying for all of his living expenses, as he lives alone, but we are not paying his tuition. My husband and I have had regular family meetings discussing estate matters and our wills are an open book to them as we believe transparency is important.
My husband and I have done our best to treat our estate as equally as possible, and we have communicated that to them often. Have we done anything wrong here?
The Mother
Related: ‘She lives in squalor’: My mother, 90, says I want to commit her to an ‘insane asylum’ — yet her doctor gave her a clean bill of health. What now?
You want to be fair and equitable, but that comes with a certain amount of penny-pinching that could risk turning your success into a transactional relationship with your children.
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