These are the 3 patterns of the ‘chronically single,’ says expert
Amy Chan brought in over $200,000 in 2023 with her business, according to documents seen by CNBC Make It.
Courtesy of Amy Chan
Do you feel like you’ve been single for a really long time?
Well, you’re not alone. The term “chronically single” has gone viral on TikTok with some videos reaching more than 10 million viewers globally.
There are two types of single people: single people who are happy being single, and single people who are not happy being single, Amy Chan told CNBC Make It.
After experiencing a gut-wrenching breakup in her 20s, Chan set off to change the breakup and dating experience for people everywhere. Today, she works as a relationship and breakup coach, and runs two weekend retreats, called “The Breakup Bootcamp” and “The Dating Bootcamp.”
She is also author of the book “Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart” and has built an online following of over 200,000 followers across TikTok and Instagram. She brought in over $200,000 in 2023 with her business, according to documents seen by CNBC Make It.
“There are people who are single and it’s painful for them, and I actually think it’s better [that way] because they’re motivated to try different things,” said Chan. “The hardest is when they have a good life [and] it’s not that they’re unhappy, so there isn’t a pain point to motivate them to get outside their comfort zone.”
“So even though being in a partnership would be amazing, the risk of having to get rejected, and to do all the stuff that comes with the process of dating — they just make excuses and they avoid it,” said Chan.
Based on her experience mentoring clients, here are three patterns that Chan has spotted in people who are “chronically single”:
They are ‘no’ oriented
One pattern that Chan has observed through her work is that those who tend to be single for a long time are people who like to say “no.”
“Something I’ve noticed with a lot of my successful clients is they just say ‘no,’… and they disqualify people before there’s any chance,” Chan told CNBC Make It. “They’ve never allowed this connection to have any potential to grow, because in their head, they have an idea of what they want, which might not be necessarily what they need.”
They tend to be very picky and can focus too much on the imperfections of the other person. “They have an idea of the person in their head, and it’s more about satisfying their ego than actually creating a meaningful connection,” said Chan in a TikTok video.
“I think that some of this is due to when you are used to being the leader… getting people to do things for you exactly the way you want, otherwise you could fire them — that doesn’t translate into relationships… love doesn’t thrive on harshness,” she told CNBC Make It.
They sabotage their relationships
Another pattern of the “chronically single” is that they tend to sabotage their relationships, said Chan. “One way people sabotage relationships is they invest in unavailable people,” she said.
“A lot of the time, they will then…
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